HEART EYES (2025)

I’m a slasher guy.

I love all horror, if it’s done well, but specifically, I love slashers, mainly because I grew up with them, and I’ll include giallo films in amongst that because you know, they are technically slashers from Italy! (I know, I know, I’m being facetious)

I love me a good slasher franchise, and even better, I love it when a single slasher is stands out and really shows what can be done with the sub-genre: The Burning, Tenebrae and more recently, films like Freaky and Thanksgiving really make me take notice and I’m always really keen for a fresh one with original ideas…

… which of course leaves me open for lots of disappointment, and with that I’ll introduce you, and bury the lead on my opinion, to Heart Eyes.

This film was written by Phillip Murphy, Christopher Landon and Michael Kennedy, the last two who gave us the wonderful, and aforementioned, Freaky, and was directed by Josh Rubin,who directed Werewolves Within and Scare Me.

Heart Eyes tells of the serial killer known as the Heart Eyes Killer, or HEK, because of the awful mask they wear that has a night vision goggle set in the shapes of hearts, who travels from city to city, killing lovers every Valentine’s Day.

Our heroine, Ally (Olivia Holt) is concerned for her job at a beauty company because she did a Valentine’s Day campaign celebrating tragic lovers in the real that HEK comes to her city, and it’s not tracking well with her bosses. Enter handsome troubleshooter, Jay (Mason Gooding) with whom she has an immediate attraction to, which is reciprocated.

They go on a work dinner to attempt to work out what they can do but it would appear to everyone that the sexual tension is real… especially to HEK who thinks they are a couple, and actively pursues them, but when the attack fails, Jay ends up being accused of being the killer by cops Hobbs (Devon Sawa) and Shaw (Jordana Brewster)… yep, they are called Hobbs and Shaw…but what if it’s not Jay, and the killer descends on the police station to take out anyone who gets in their way….j

Unfortunately I don’t have much positive to say about this film. For starters, the Heart Eyes’ costume is just stupid, specifically the mask, and doesn’t read well in the confines of the film as it looks like a bad prop. Even down to a couple of times the lighting makes it look like it’s a movie prop instead of something that’s Freddy Krueger-Styled character may have fashioned in his workshop.

Another thing is the film consistently feels like an abandoned Scream franchise script, with so many plot point stolen… sorry ‘paid homage to’ in it. What doesn’t help this Diet Coke Scream is that the cast is littered with actors from the Scream franchise, making it seem even more desperate in its attempt to emulate its superior supposed source.

This movie is clearly shot for the romcom vibes of a film by someone like Nora Efron but it doesn’t track well because the tension required in a horror film is completely absent so at no point is there an opportunity for the viewer to get scared, or even just get creeped out. Don’t get me wrong, there is some really great violence and gore gags, but the lead up to them doesn’t make them pay off as well as if they were films as a ‘proper’ horror movie.

What’s worse, and another part of the film that definitely doesn’t work, is a lot of the dialogue, from name checking romantic comedies (‘I’ve got to get back for My Best Friend’s Wedding’ – cringe!) and even blatantly attempting to rip off dialogue situations… not the actual dialogue… from films that are both more scary and much funnier, like Hot Fuzz.

Now I’d like to point out I don’t expect much if any originality in a slasher film, but i do think there are times where you should at least make an attempt to cover up the tracks you are leaving on the territory you are trespassing upon.

I will say that as a final girl I did like Olivia Holt, even though she was technically playing Kate Hudson in every romcom she’s ever been in rather than an actual final girl. I think if this had have been a film about a marketing genius screwing up an ad campaign whilst there was a serial killer on the loose, it had the potential of being a far better film… like a Devil Wears Prada mixed with Son of Sam where the killer is reference but not an actual part of the story.

I think that sometimes films are made not for the objective of making a film, but instead, are made to become a franchise for future financial benefits but I think filmmakers need to get away from this and return to just making good movies that MAY become franchises if they are successful.

It’s a nice dream. Let me have it.

Extras: There is barely fifteen minutes of extras on this disc.

Murder and Meet Cutes: The Making of Heart Eyes which hilariously describes on several occasions how scary this film is going to be, all the while comparing it to Sleepless in Seattle.

Sigh.

Gag Reel – I’m sure the actors would fondly look back on these as fun and amusing days on set, but they all just feel like made-for-home-video- bull rap now. Unfunny and at less than 3 minutes, overlong.

Deleted Scenes – normally I agree with the omission of some scenes but I do believe there was a couple of opportunities here that

The Commentary with Josh Rubin is actually informative and fun. He seems to be a funny guy who loves the process of filmmaking. Shame this film is pretty average.

Film: 4/10

Extras: 5/10

Rewatchability: 2/10

This Bluray was purchased from JB Hifi