Author Archives: J.R.

THE WICKER MAN (2006)

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THE WICKER MAN (2006)

The Australian Bluray of The Wicker Mam

I used to be a massive proponent of the remake. From John Carpenter’s The Thing, to Chuck Russel’s The Blob, even stuff like the Robin Williams Flubber one, or the Nutty Professor starring Eddie Murphy… but that’s all changed, I’m afraid.

Once movie companies realised that something they had assumed all along, that cinema goers are idiots just dying to see not a good film, but a license they are familiar with, they started taking advantage. Disney are probably the main offenders with their live action remakes of their own animated properties, some which aren’t ’live action’ at all but there is such a glut of unnecessary remakes that between it, comic movies, Star Wars and movies based on books by Steven King, there is barely anything new at the cinema at all anymore.

The very worst of these, or at the very least, one of the films that features high in the list of the worst of these is Neil LaBute’s remake of Robin Hardy’s magnificent 1973 film The Wicker Man. In it’s defence, it is beautiful shot and the female cast are amazing, but Nicolas Cage’s role as the male lead feels like an invasion into quality.

Hang on, I’m getting ahead of myself here.

Cage as Edward Malus

The Wicker Man (2006) tells of police officer Edward Malus (Nicolas Cage) who has been invited by his ex-fiancée, Willow (Kate Beahan) to the island she lives on to investigate the disappearance of her daughter, Rohan (Erika-Shaye Gair). What he finds there though is a matriarchal cult that has an active disdain of his sex, and are very much in tune with the bees and their hives that they tend to upon the island.

Kate Beahan as Willow

He starts his investigation but more and more feels as though he is being deceived by the women, including Sister Beech (Diane Delano) who runs the inn, both Sisters Rose and Thorn (both played by Molly Parker) and after being stung by a bee, of which he is deathly allergic to, the local doctor, Dr. Moss (Francis Conroy).

He eventually gets to meet the one who is in charge of the island, Sister SummersIsle (Ellen Burstyn), but he feels even she is not being honest with him and they are all impeding his investigation.

Real or fantasy?

What is the secret of the island? Is he really there to investigate a girl’s disappearance or are more sinister plots at play?

This unfortunately, is the film that turned Cage from being a competent actor in roles suited to his acting style, to a meme, something he has more or less played off ever since… even to the point when I told non-horror fans of my intention to do this review, it was met with ‘The bees… THE BEEEEEEEEEES!!’ The meme-ification of Cage has even resulted in a film dedicated more-or-less to it in The Unbearable Weight of Massive Talent, a film that I feel pulls the piss out of Cage to his bare face.

He’s getting paid and he’s getting exposure so why would he be bothered by that?

In LaBute’s favour, as I previously stated, this film is beautifully shot and has some outstanding set pieces that are like paintings of midwestern American landscapes. He wrote and directed the film and some of the decisions made with the script just seemed ‘Hollywooded’ with romantic links rather than simply a police officer performing his duty. I guess with the policeman being particular to the states and having no power in a different state makes sense due to jurisdiction, but it feels ingenuous.

The story that LaBute has crafted is very much showing that Cage’s intrusion into the matriarchal society is not welcome certainly feels like a man has written something that is supposed to be perceived having some feminist roots, but at no point does it ring true, and in actual fact, the women of the island seem cruel in their command of the society rather than fair, and giving we the viewer no opportunity to be sympathetic.

I’m a fan of Nicolas Cage! Hell, I wouldn’t have a whole month dedicated to him on my site if I didn’t have some kind of affection for him, but I know that his acting style is all about hysteria. He’s the kooky-eyed madman in every film he’s in, that’s his schtick, but it’s hard to replace the pious subtlety of Edward Woodward’s performance from the first film in that manner. It’s not just that though; Woodward’s low-key performance would have worked here really well, but Cage’s performance is arrogant and unpleasant. He treats the entire populace of the island with utter disdain when it’s supposed to be suspicion. It just doesn’t work. LaBute’s intention was possibly to make him seem so intrusive but it comes across as unlikable and abrasive.

I can’t see in this film where my sympathy is supposed to lie: the suspicious and unlikable women of the island, the jerk stranger in a strange land or the poor child who has disappeared, who we don’t really get to know.

It’s at this stage I must point out how awfully obvious the use of the name ‘Malus’ is, both with its use of the ‘male’ sound and the fact that it’s Latin for ‘harmful’, and the hamfisted tribute to Edward Woodward in Malus’ first name and Willow’s surname. Unnecessary and, dare I say it, amateurish.

Sadly, this does nothing to defend the honour of good remakes, and is a terrible shame as there are some great opportunities for some great female characters that are just overwhelmed by Cage’s descent into an Instagram meme.

Menu Screen

Extras: A total of three extras on this disc.

Cast and Crew commentary is with LaBute, Lynette Meyer (Costume designer), Joel Plotch (Editor), Beahan and Sobieski. It’s a pretty thorough and interesting commentary. It is interesting insomuch as the unusual decisions that were made with character motivations and some other ideas that don’t work in the slightest.

Alternate ending. Meh.

There are also trailers for Ghost Rider and Perfect Stranger.

Film:2/10

Extras:

Rewatchability: 0/10

THE BEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEES

Purchased from JB Hifi

HERETIC (2024)

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HERETIC (2024)

The cover to the Australian Bluray

Religion has been a great source for horror films since the beginning of cinema itself. From Haxan to The Exorcist to Saint Maud, possession, demons, the devil and godly justice have been regular sources for religion to be inserted in the genre. Sometimes it’s seen favourable to religion and sometimes not, but even though as a society we seemingly become less religious, and those that are, becoming more diverse in their choice of religions, this type of horror still seems to be popular amongst the punters.

A lot of religious horror movies have a questioning of faith, or at the very least, a testing of, and this is probably where the popularity lies, as we as humans persistently question what we do, why we are doing it and what is actually ‘right’.

That testing of faith is exactly what Heretic is all about.

Sister Barnes (Sophie Thatcher) and Sister Paxton (Chloe East)

Heretic tells of two Mormon missionaries, Sister Barnes (Sophie Thatcher) and Sister Paxton (Chloe East) who are in town to spread the word of the Lord, but have a specific objective to visit Mr. Reed (Hugh Grant) who has enquired about the church.

Upon approaching the house, they are greeted by the man who promptly invites them in, assuring them that his wife is in the kitchen baking a pie for them to share and enjoy, and that she would be joining them later as she is shy around people she doesn’t know.

Mr. Reed (Hugh Grant)

The conversation immediately takes to the church and after a few difficult and awkward interactions, the girls realise that Mr. Reed may not be what he says he is, and that his interest in the church and even with God involve him challenging faith and the faithful, and may involve some experiments that he has been performing within his house… his house that has no phone reception, and time-locked doors, and difficult choices…

I thought this was a beautifully shot film with some amazing performances and one surprising one by Grant, who seems to be relishing the role, that may have been let down by a slightly soggy ending. Here’s the funny thing though: I don’t like it when people get really in depth on the ‘meaning’ behind a film and I find that usually I prefer a film to just entertain me based on what I see, and I don’t need subtext or whatever to further enjoy it… but this did made me stop and actually discuss the film with family and friends beyond my usual superficial viewing… which means I’m either getting older, smarter or more patient.

Time for a decision…

Either way, this film is great.

If I am to criticise the film at all, it is for a subplot with Topher Grace as an Elder of the church who is looking for the girls by retracing their steps which ends with a messy joke that I can’t figure out if it was a commentary of the church and its putting faith before the safety of its people, or if it was just a flippant moment to alleviate the tension, which to me, didn’t. It felt like a vaudevillian aside that if edited from the film, wouldn’t be missed.

Still, as I said, it is a small criticism of an other wise great film.

The menu screen for Heretic

Extras: There is only a director’s commentary on this disc by the directors and it’s a fascinating insight into the making of this film and their inspirations. I love commentaries that really unravel the thoughts behind the stories of films.

Film: 9/10

Extras: 7/10 (there’s only the commentary but it’s a solid one)

Rewatchability: 7/10

What is in Mr Reed’s basement?

This film was purchased from JB Hifi

ABIGAIL (2024)

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ABIGAIL (2024)

The Australian Bluray release

I used to be a massive purchased of horror movie magazines. Over the years I’ve bought all of them: Famous Monsters, Fangoria, Rue Morgue, The Dark Side, Fear, Samhain, Deep Red… far to many to list, and these mags were my window into films that formed a list of stuff I wanted to see.

Tragically, in 2025, magazines have become an unobtainable product. Rue Morgue and Fangoria are almost $30 each; that MORE that the price of some blurays, and there are so many sales on blurays it makes them REALLY. REALLY. Expensive. So, even though I am an avid supporter of physical media over streaming, streaming can have its place. For me, it’s where I see films that I may choose to purchase later… it’s an audition process for my physical media collecting process. This film, Abigail, I first saw on Netflix, and actively pursued it on home video.

Abigail was written by Steven Shields (The Hole in the Ground) and Guy Busick (Ready or Not), and was directed by the duo of Tyler Gillette and Matt Bettinelli-Olpen, from the production company Radio Silence, who were also responsible for the brilliant Ready or Not and Screams V and VI.

Melissa Barrera as Joey

Abigail tells the story of a crew, Joey (Melissa Barrera) the medic, Frank (Dan Stevens) the brains, Rickles (William Catlett) the look out, Sammy (Kathryn Newton) the hacker, Peter (Kevin Durand) the muscle and Dean (Angus Cloud) the driver, hired by a fixer named Lambert (Giancarlo Esposito), to abduct a young girl named Abigail (Alisha Weir) for the reward of $7,000,000 each.

Giancarlo Esposito as Lambert

They have a problem though: Abigail is a vampire, and the gang are trapped in a house, with no phones and no internet. Can they survive, or will they turn on each other before Abigail can even get started on them.

Alisha Weir as Abigail

Normally in a review I’d try to resist spoiling main plot points, but Abigail’s secret is hardly a secret at all, especially when you consider that even the tagline suggests that ‘Children can be suck MONSTERS’. I must say I wish that I had not known the secret of the film and got the surprise that films like From Dusk til Dawn gave me. Normally I don’t care about spoiler but this would have been a nice but if fun.

This is essentially a modernised version of Dracula’s Daughter (1936), even giving the name ‘Lambert’ , the director of that film, to one of the characters. I don’t think I’ve seen the original so I can’t actually comment on any similarities but I can say that this film is a bunch of fun.

The actors playing the gang are so great in their roles, and the tension is palpable but the real highlight is Weir as Abigail. As a girl she’s fragile and delicate and after the reveal she is a scary as any monster in any monster movie, but without jingoistic catchphrases; she is just a deadly force to reckoned with dressed up in a 12 year old girl costume.

All in all, a fun film that, and this is contrary to almost everything I normally think, could be ripe for a sequel that pursues either Abigail’s lust for blood, or even Joey in her pursuit to destroy Abigail’s father… This was a marvellous film that proves that Radio Silence are amazing at what they do.

The Bluray menu screen

Extras: There’s a decent chunk of extras:

Deleted and Extended Scenes are, as is mostly true, better off not in the film. I still love that home video gives us the opportunity to see this stuff.

Gag Reel is, as usual, something that is probably more interesting for the cast and crew to reminisce on the fun days they had making the film. For us, it’s a curio, a distraction and little more.

Blood Bath takes a look at the amount of blood used in the filming of Abigail. I must admit that this is the generation of effects I really love: practical effects with just a touch of CGI to enhance it. The wonderful thing about this featurette is that everyone talks about how surprised by how much blood was used. Fantastic.

Hunters to Hunted looks at the design of the cast and how the directors fit them together, creating a world together.

Becoming a Ballerina Vampire is all about our titular beast, Abigail, and Alisha Weir who plays her so wonderfully.

Directing Duo Matt and Tyler unfortunately doesn’t discuss their history but does talk about the experience of making this film. I would have liked to have seen HOW two people direct a film together but as one would expect, it all relates to this film. My favourite line is that one of them says ‘we want to make movies WE like’ and I really LOVE that lack of cynicism.

Finally we have a commentary by Matt and Tyler, along with editor Michael P. Shawler, which doesn’t just talk about directorial decisions but also editorial choices. These people really love their jobs and it’s a great look at how important the roles are and how well Matt and Tyler work together.

Film: 7/10

Extras: 7/10

Rewatchability: 10/10

Head, you lose

This Bluray was purchased from JB Hifi

TAROT (2025)

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TAROT (2025)

The Australian Bluray release of Tarot

Being an old fart means it is always with great trepidation that I approach a new horror movie! I have been fooled before by Conjurings, Insidiousness, Annabelles and Ouijas, but I am forever optimistic! Occasionally, a Sinister slips out from under the veil of utter tripe, and maybe, just maybe, Tarot will slide out with it.

Let us have a look see, shall we?

Tarot was written and directed by Anna Halberg and Spenser Cohen, and is based on the novel Horrorscope by Nicholas Adam’s, and tells the tale of a group of friend who have run out of alcohol whilst away for one of their birthdays. In searching the home they are staying at, they find a basement full of weird astrological stuff, amongst which they find a tarot deck packaged in a wooden box.

Classic ‘friends in distress’ shot

One of their crew, Hayley ( Harriet Slater) knows how to read peoples horoscopes with tarot cards and even though she should not do it, as it is not her deck, she proceeds to offer a fortune to all her friends.

The cursed deck

After they return home, they start to be picked off one by one in horrific ways, and so they search out advice from Alma (Olsen Fouéré) who had a similar thing happen to her years ago and has been searching for the cursed deck, the same one these friends have used, to destroy it.

Will they destroy it before it kills them all?

One of the terrifying beasties.

I have mixed feeling about this film. On one hand I am extraordinarily happy to see a new movie based on a book that doesn’t have the names ‘Stephen King’ next to it, and honestly I am not quite sure how closely the movie follows the plot of the book, but it does feel VERY generic as it riffs on several other horror movies. The ‘cursed thing’ in the basement like Evil Dead, the ‘something is trying to kill us’ like Final Destination, and even the design of the ‘things’ is a little Th13teen Ghosts’ for my liking… but somehow it works and doesn’t sufficiently entertain.

I think the thing that wins this over is the majority of the cast are quite likeable and over and above some silly dialogue moments, it seems to work quite well except for the presence of Spider-Man’s Jacob Batalon whose appearance does not sit well amongst the others, and he feels like a desperate ring-in to get views. Films have been doing this sort of thing for years so I appreciate why he would be employed in this film, but it almost feels like he is trying to hard. You know that guy who know who desperately wants to be part of the group and overcompensates? That guy.

I know this all sounds like I did not actually like the film but in actual fact I found it perfectly enjoyable and a nice little horror palate cleanser. Easy to watch and not to hard on the brain matter.

The menu screen from Tarot.

Extras: There are three extras on this disc each just going for a few minutes:

A Twist of Fate Making the Film is a very brief making of, just discussing the origins of the story.

A Circle of Friends looks at the cast and how they got on during the making of the film.

Killer Outtakes, like most outtakes, are probably funnier if you were a part of the team making the film.

Film: 6/10

Extras: 4/10

Rewatchability: 6/10

Good friends love to just hang.

This film was purchased from JB Hifi.

CLOWN IN A CORNFIELD (2025)

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CLOWN IN A CORNFIELD (2025)

The Australian Bluray cover

One of the things i like about social media is the ability to see how much people love a product they produced and continue to support it. As a writer, it’s extraordinarily hard to promote something you’ve produced because a lot of social media is a visual media rather than a literary one (yes, I’m aware that most posts have accompanying text but most people, me included, see it as supplemental to the story/ reel/ post etc). Writer have a tough job because a photo of their work, unless it’s published and the visual attraction of the cover is present, is difficult.

Unless you’re prepared to do that horrible thing of hustling, something I’m terrible at!

Adam Cesare, the writer of the novel Clown in a Cornfield and its two sequels, is amazing at it. His Instagram posts are full of his live appearances, the promotion of his work and the utter joy he has is seeing his words be made into living breathing creatures in this film, the aforementioned Clown in a Cornfield.

I have to have a brief aside here where I have to compliment Cesare on the title. It’s is so profoundly ridiculous but somehow instills terror. Clowns have, for a long time, been more associated with fear than fun, and the cornfield gives feelings of being lost. It’s so clever.

Quinn (Katie Douglas) and her father, Glenn (Aaron Abrams)

Clown in a Cornfield was directed by Eli Craig, a director who is responsible for a horror comedy that I rate quite highly, the wonderful and hilarious Tucker and Dale Vs Evil (2010). Now even though there is some levity in this film, it does have some fantastic gore and some genuine scares and shocks, which I really enjoyed!

Clown in a Cornfield tells of Quinn Maybrook (Katie Douglas) and her father, Glenn (Aaron Abrams) who have moved to the town of Kettle Springs, Missouri to help heal after the death of her mother, Samantha.

On her first day at school, Quinn is warned by a neighbour, Rust (Vincent Muller) about getting ‘in’ with the wrong kids, she immediately does, and those kids include Cole (Carson MacCormac), Janet (Cassandra Potenza), Ronnie (Verity Marks), Matt (Alexandre Martin Deakin) and Tucker ( Ayo Solanke), who have a bad reputation due to their YouTube videos where they make little horror movies about town legend, Frendo the Clown, a killer who stalks (excuse the pun) the cornfields in search of victims.

‘The Wrong Crowd’

Something the kids find own very quickly though is that Frendo is very real, and he’s very VERY upset with the youth of the town, and the killings begin, but who is it? Is Frendo a generational serial killer or is something more sinister?

Craig has done an amazing job with this film for a couple of reasons. The casting is fantastic, and there’s some nice shifting of romantic interests which whist may be a bit jarring to some, was quite organic, if not a little tropey. Craig also worked on the screenplay with Carter Blanchard and they took the source material and treated it with respect, especially when you consider the setting and feel of the book, and they also gave it a tidy 80s or 90s styled time of 96 or so minutes. A 4 hour action blockbuster full of superheroes and aliens may be ok, but sometimes a story can be over-told for no reason other than hubris, and this definitely wasn’t done here.

Frendo is ready to party

Back to the cast though, they are the driving force behind the story. Even though they also may fulfil some horror movies late-teen tropes, they are executed brilliantly (again excuse the pun). I have to admit that Kevin Durand, who I think is quite underrated, and Will Sasso were nice surprises in their roles as the mayor, and Cole’s father, and the town sheriff respectively.

The gore was surprising and so well done, and the costume design of Frendo looked amazing. It could have very easy been a copy of Pennywise, but seeing as how the characters origin was tied into the origin of the town, it had a really great mid-20th century circus vibe to it.

Whilst the film isn’t perfect, which is only due to some of the elements of the story which borrow elements from the absolute history of horror, there’s a lot to love. Recommended.

Menu screen for Clown in a Cornfield

Extras: Nothing at all, which is a shame considering Cesare’s consistent promotion on social media.

Film: 7/10

Extras: 0/10

Rewatchability: 9/10

Anyone have a band-aid?

This movie was purchased from Jb Hifi

THE PURGE (2013)

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THE PURGE (2013)

The Australian Bluray release of The Purge

Film: I always find it funny when you observe a piece of science fiction pop culture after the date that that sci-fi piece takes place. I still find it hilarious that the science fiction magazine 2000AD still calls itself that, but branding is a strong and important part of any pop culture, unfortunately, and it restricts creativity at its very source.

The Purge was written and directed by James DeMonaco, who wrote the screenplay for the remake of Assault on Precinct 13 in 2005, another film, like most thrillers in the vein of this, that sees people banding together in trapped environment against something trying to get inside.

Remember the Alamo, indeed!

Our plot involves James Sandin (Ethan Hawke) and his family, wife Mary (Lena Healey), daughter Zoey (Adelaide Kane) and son Charlie (Max Burkholder) on the most celebrated American night of the year, the night of The Purge. The Purge is one night a year where no crime will be punished for: murder, assault, robbery… it’s all on the cards and the police will do nothing about it.

Hawke and Headey

James loves the Purge as being a security contractor, he has made a lot of money from many people, including his own gated neighbourhood, by selling them state-of-the-art security systems.

The family are well prepared for the Purge except for two things that James does not expect. The first is 16 year old Zoey’s boyfriend, Henry (Tony Oller), an 18 year old young man who James doesn’t not approve of, has hidden himself within the house… for nefarious means on the night when no crime will be punished? Maybe.

The second issue is that Charlie observes a vagrant (Edwin Hodge) being chased through the streets by a gang led by an unnamed leader (Rhys Wakefield) who have decided to use the Purge to cleans the city of undesirables, and lets him into the house to save him as Charlie doesn’t believe the Purge is a good idea. The vagrant immediately disappears within the mansions walls.

The gang descends upon the the Sandin’s house

It’s an even worse idea when the gang descends upon the house with an ultimatum: give up the vagrant or the whole family pays the price.

As the Sandin’s are attacked from both inside and out, the question will be asked: who will survive the night?

The Purge is a violent sci-fi horror film released in 2013 that takes place in 2022… yep, three years prior to this review being written… and even though we thankfully have not reached the point where a yearly violent purge is how we sort out the world’s problems, I think the elements of society not being nice to itself for monetary reasons is sad.

There is some exciting things about this film that really thrilled me. One is that the people attacking the house and the vagrant have no character name. The fact that, like in real life, people move in and out of your life and do things to you and around you but remain nameless. That anonymity makes the story so much more terrifying; people having their lives assaulted for no reason other than a governmental edict.

There’s a great tale of the difference between the haves and the have-nots and just how even the haves feel like have-nots in comparison to successful people.

The masks are enormously effective.

This film certainly riffs on ideas presented in The Strangers from 2008 which borrowed a bit from the French films Ils aka Them from 2006. The difference is that those films had terrifying elements as there was no reason for the attacks, which is an awful thing to encounter. I think what makes The Purge worse is that citizens are being given permission to commit these assaults, which suggests a corrupt government that no longer works for the people.

The casting is excellent as well. Hawk and Headey make for a great couple, and honestly I love everything Headey does anyway so I may be prejudiced on that point. Kane and Burkholder are pretty good too, even though Kane feels like weebish eye-candy with her school uniform and Burkholder suffers a little of annoying child syndrome. The real heart of the piece though is Wakefield as the unnamed leader of the gang: self-important, self-justified, arrogant and with a mullet that lends legitimacy to the world worst haircut, he steals every scene he is in.

The story is deliberately told and has a great pace and the violence, even though you know it’s coming, is still surprising when it happens. I found the film a blast to watch and I look forward to getting stuck into the sequels which are going to be awesome, right?

Right?

The Bluray menu screen

Extras: Only one little pisspoor extra on this disc, which is a making of called ‘Surviving the Night: The Making of The Purge’. Its brief but does explain the origins of the story, but it’s mainly a fluff piece.

Hawke hacks a home invader

Film: 8/10

Extras: 2/10

Rewatchability: 8/10

This Bluray was purchased from JB Hifi

THE MONKEY (2025)

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THE MONKEY (2025)

The monkey 4K Bluray

I’m not heartless. I’m always willing to give someone a second chance, and after the disappointing Longlegs, I was still willing to give writer/ director Osgood Perkins a go, maybe due to my love of Anthony Perkins, or maybe because I did enjoy the first two acts of Longlegs enough to take a chance.

We are in the middle of a horror renaissance at the moment with so much genre stuff coming out that I also think I should support it whenever I can, so we don’t just get more and more unnecessary sequels, remakes of animated classics, and whatever else leaks out of the Mouse of House’s gaping anus.

The main character.

The Monkey is based on the Stephen King short story of the same name, and I’ll point out that whilst I’m not a fan of King’s writing, I do love his story ideas, and I had never heard of this tale before so I was pretty happy to be going into something of his completely blind.

The Monkey tells the story of twins, Bill and Hal (both played by Christian Convery) who have inherited a bizarre curio from their absent father in the shape of a wind-up, drum-playing monkey… that is definitely NOT a toy. Hal winds the key and soon after, their babysitter (Danica Dreyer) is killed in a tragic hibachi restaurant accident.

Convery as the twins, Bill and Hal, and Maslany as Lois

Hal quickly realises that the monkey had something to do with her death, and turns the key in the hope to kill his brother, who is a mercilessly abusive bully because he was born first. Sadly, the monkey doesn’t do as it’s told, and instead their mother, Lois (Tatiana Maslany) is killed instead.

The twins are taken by their aunt and uncle (Sarah Levy and Osgood Perkins), and after the death of their uncle they both come to the conclusion that the monkey needs to disappear, so they throw it down a well.

We jump forward 25 years later and Hal (now played by Theo James, as is the role of Bill… twins, remember) has an opportunity to spent a final week with his son, Peter (Colin O’Brien) as his step father (Elijah Wood) is going to adopt him. Hal has kept Peter at arms length as the trauma and hasn’t seen his brother in ten years as the potential threat of the monkey is ever present in his mind.

Theo James as adult Hal

Whilst they are spending their final week together though , strong things start to happen, mysterious deaths seem to start occurring and Hal gets caught up the the threat of the monkey all over again, but who is turning the key?

Perkins has nailed the script and the direction of this film. It looks amazing, the casting is almost perfect, more on that later, and the tone of the film is so dark you could grow mushrooms in it. I laughed out loud on several occasions which for something as violent and gory as this was a surprise. There’s some great jokes that you don’t realise are jokes until the punchline turn up later and the pacing is spot on.

The cast are mostly great. Convery as the young twins is so good in both roles I thought they… I mean, he…. was two separate people. This unfortunately cannot be said of Theo James. I think he was great in the role of Hal, as his Chris Evans styled handsomeness was played off brilliantly with his Jeff Goldblum-like essence. Seriously, watch the film and you’ll get what I mean. Sadly, this doesn’t translate to Bill, who doesn’t feel fleshed out and feels like an afterthought. That might be deliberate to show that the ‘alpha’ twin has now merely become a shadow of his bother, but it doesn’t 100% read that way. Levy and Perkins as the aunt and uncle ate only briefly in the film but are such strange character that watching them is so weirdly uncomfortable, which can be said about a lot of the character. There’s a real feeling of awkwardness and discomfort through the entire film.

I was also really astounded by how stunning the sound design in the film was too. The music the monkey plays, which was a circus sounding version of the John H. Clover-Kind’s 1907 song ‘I Do Like To Be Beside the Seaside’ haunts the film like an audio-ghost.

The best way to describe this film is that it’s the best parts of a Final Destination film mixed with something like The Monkey’s Paw short story by W. W. Jacobs. As I said I’ve not read the original King story so maybe the Jacobs’ influence is there too.

All in all, the film is great. It’s has that silliness that early Peter Jackson films had, but with a higher production value. The ending has to be seen to be believed.

The menu screen for The Monkey 4k

Extras: The potential for interesting extras is let down by three that sound promising but don’t even go for 5 minutes each.

Outrageously Gory Thoroughly Gratuitous and is a far too brief look at the special effects… remember when special effects docos were almost as long as the film? Damn I long for those days.

The Cast of the Monkey is again, far too short as it takes in the cast.

Becoming Hal and Bill is another short one looking at the actor Theo James, playing the adult twins.

Film: 9/10

Extras: 3/10

Rewatchability: 5/10

Mowing the lawn: bad for your health

This 4K Bluray was purchased from JB Hifi

HEART EYES (2025)

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HEART EYES (2025)

The Australian Bluray cover to Heart Eyes

I’m a slasher guy.

I love all horror, if it’s done well, but specifically, I love slashers, mainly because I grew up with them, and I’ll include giallo films in amongst that because you know, they are technically slashers from Italy! (I know, I know, I’m being facetious)

I love me a good slasher franchise, and even better, I love it when a single slasher is stands out and really shows what can be done with the sub-genre: The Burning, Tenebrae and more recently, films like Freaky and Thanksgiving really make me take notice and I’m always really keen for a fresh one with original ideas…

… which of course leaves me open for lots of disappointment, and with that I’ll introduce you, and bury the lead on my opinion, to Heart Eyes.

This film was written by Phillip Murphy, Christopher Landon and Michael Kennedy, the last two who gave us the wonderful, and aforementioned, Freaky, and was directed by Josh Rubin,who directed Werewolves Within and Scare Me.

Olivia Holt as Ally

Heart Eyes tells of the serial killer known as the Heart Eyes Killer, or HEK, because of the awful mask they wear that has a night vision goggle set in the shapes of hearts, who travels from city to city, killing lovers every Valentine’s Day.

Our heroine, Ally (Olivia Holt) is concerned for her job at a beauty company because she did a Valentine’s Day campaign celebrating tragic lovers in the real that HEK comes to her city, and it’s not tracking well with her bosses. Enter handsome troubleshooter, Jay (Mason Gooding) with whom she has an immediate attraction to, which is reciprocated.

The potential franchise themselves, Heart Eyes

They go on a work dinner to attempt to work out what they can do but it would appear to everyone that the sexual tension is real… especially to HEK who thinks they are a couple, and actively pursues them, but when the attack fails, Jay ends up being accused of being the killer by cops Hobbs (Devon Sawa) and Shaw (Jordana Brewster)… yep, they are called Hobbs and Shaw…but what if it’s not Jay, and the killer descends on the police station to take out anyone who gets in their way….j

Unfortunately I don’t have much positive to say about this film. For starters, the Heart Eyes’ costume is just stupid, specifically the mask, and doesn’t read well in the confines of the film as it looks like a bad prop. Even down to a couple of times the lighting makes it look like it’s a movie prop instead of something that’s Freddy Krueger-Styled character may have fashioned in his workshop.

Another thing is the film consistently feels like an abandoned Scream franchise script, with so many plot point stolen… sorry ‘paid homage to’ in it. What doesn’t help this Diet Coke Scream is that the cast is littered with actors from the Scream franchise, making it seem even more desperate in its attempt to emulate its superior supposed source.

Wine press: not a great hiding place

This movie is clearly shot for the romcom vibes of a film by someone like Nora Efron but it doesn’t track well because the tension required in a horror film is completely absent so at no point is there an opportunity for the viewer to get scared, or even just get creeped out. Don’t get me wrong, there is some really great violence and gore gags, but the lead up to them doesn’t make them pay off as well as if they were films as a ‘proper’ horror movie.

What’s worse, and another part of the film that definitely doesn’t work, is a lot of the dialogue, from name checking romantic comedies (‘I’ve got to get back for My Best Friend’s Wedding’ – cringe!) and even blatantly attempting to rip off dialogue situations… not the actual dialogue… from films that are both more scary and much funnier, like Hot Fuzz.

Now I’d like to point out I don’t expect much if any originality in a slasher film, but i do think there are times where you should at least make an attempt to cover up the tracks you are leaving on the territory you are trespassing upon.

I will say that as a final girl I did like Olivia Holt, even though she was technically playing Kate Hudson in every romcom she’s ever been in rather than an actual final girl. I think if this had have been a film about a marketing genius screwing up an ad campaign whilst there was a serial killer on the loose, it had the potential of being a far better film… like a Devil Wears Prada mixed with Son of Sam where the killer is reference but not an actual part of the story.

I think that sometimes films are made not for the objective of making a film, but instead, are made to become a franchise for future financial benefits but I think filmmakers need to get away from this and return to just making good movies that MAY become franchises if they are successful.

It’s a nice dream. Let me have it.

Menu screen to the Australian Bluray cover

Extras: There is barely fifteen minutes of extras on this disc.

Murder and Meet Cutes: The Making of Heart Eyes which hilariously describes on several occasions how scary this film is going to be, all the while comparing it to Sleepless in Seattle.

Sigh.

Gag Reel – I’m sure the actors would fondly look back on these as fun and amusing days on set, but they all just feel like made-for-home-video- bull rap now. Unfunny and at less than 3 minutes, overlong.

Deleted Scenes – normally I agree with the omission of some scenes but I do believe there was a couple of opportunities here that

The Commentary with Josh Rubin is actually informative and fun. He seems to be a funny guy who loves the process of filmmaking. Shame this film is pretty average.

Film: 4/10

Extras: 5/10

Rewatchability: 2/10

We needed another slasher franchise like a hole in the head

This Bluray was purchased from JB Hifi