You read that headline right!
Digital Retribution now has a YouTube channel with original content ranging from hauls to unboxings, commentary and top 6’s, all presented by your truly, J.R., direct from the Digital Retribution country estate.
There is two video of hauls already up so you are behind on your viewing! Click the link below, like and subscribe to the channel!
FRIDAY THE 13TH PART 2
The franchise that takes a licking and still keeps on ticking.
The Friday films are a massive part of my love of horror films. Probably the first non-Universal Monsters toy I ever bought would have been a Billikin vinyl model kit of Jason walking down stairs. It didn’t just change the type of model kits I make (I’m currently doing a kit of Betty Page undressing the Creature from the Black Lagoon costume) but it also stopped me from watching Universal and Hammer films, and turned me on to slashers, which in turn turned me onto my real true love, giallo films.
I wasn’t aware of the Friday films when they first came out, but I became a fan when I started hanging out at my local video shop in the early to mid-eighties, a place I eventually worked at, and started making my way through their horror section, and loved them, and have ever since.
Friday the 13th Part 2 is a surprise for two reasons. One, and if I need to place a spoiler alert for a Friday the 13th film, you may have discovered this site by accident, the killer from the first film is definitely dead… there is some extreme injuries the human body can come back from, but decapitation isn’t one of them. The second is the return of Jason, who was the motivation for his mother to kill all the teenagers, and was only seen as a child in a fantasy that Adrienne King’s Alice had after the trauma of seeing all her friends murdered and being pursued herself. This film takes place a short time later and for some reason our new killer, Jason himself, is a fully grown man, even though he died years ago.
Insert ‘what the hell’ emoji here.
I find it hilarious that EVERYONE who worked on the second film will say in various documentaries and extras about the film that they did t know how a sequel could be made. I think that that is hilarious that even the cast and crew shrugged their shoulders and went with it.
Friday the 13th Part 2 was written by Ron Kurz, who would also give us part 3 a year later and the Final Chapter soon after than, and was directed by Steve Miner whose list of directorial efforts are a mile long, but include both genre pieces like Friday the 13th Part 3 and House, but also episodes of The Wonder Years and Dawson’s Creek.
Friday the 13th Part 2 starts 2 months after the events of the first film with us revisiting Alice (Adrienne King) who is living alone and suffering with the PTSD (aka flashbacks to the previous film) of what happened to her, when she finds the head of Mrs. Voorhees in her fridge and is promptly dispatched by a very large man.
We flash forward five years later to the Packanack Lake Region Summer Camp Councillor Training Camp, near Camp Crystal Lake, run by Paul (John Furey) and his assistant/ partner Ginny (Amy Steel), and a bunch of youngsters all willing and eager to learn how to become camp councillors.
Paul tells the legend of Camp Crystal Lake, of Jason Voorhees, who drowned there and whose body went missing, and of his mother, Pamela Voorhees who killed a bunch of councillors for revenge against the kids who weren’t watching her son when he drowned, and how they believed Jason survived the drowning and lived in the wood like an animal… what? Ok, anyway…
One night, most of the councillors go into town for a bit of fun, but as the night wears on, those left behind start to get picked off by… something, or someONE!
For me it’s hard to get over the nonsensical mistreatment of the story, but I am prepared to climb over that obstacle to get to the rest of the Friday films which I do love as a whole, and it gave me my beloved Part V which is easily my favourite one. I think if there were more of an explanation of the story other than this massive suspension of disbelief I would like it more, but as a viewer you are just offered ‘the dead kid from the first film is back… we don’t know why, but deal with it.’ It’s one thing for a character like Michael Myers to get shot six times and fall off a balcony and survive but a zombie child stalking the woods for about 30 years and his mother who still grieved for him didn’t know about it seems unbelievable (even for horror) and assumes the viewer won’t care and will swallow anything… which we did, and still do.
There are things I do really like about this film, though. The first is the group of young people who are playing the camp councillors. I found them to be a little more real and less cartoony than the actor played the ones in the first film. I honestly can’t pinpoint exactly what it is but maybe it’s just that they are more likeable. I’m also still surprised to this day that they even has a really charming disabled character killed… when I first saw this film I assumed he would have survived! I think Amy Steel is a great final girl too, and a cinematic crush of mine as a teenager.
The other is the gore gags. They all look great and are inventive. Not only did they do things like double up on the human kebab, but also some of the other bits that made it next level: a blade to the face is one thing, but then a fall down theory odd steps just unlined the non-survivability of the situation.
It’s a Friday film: you know that you will get what’s on the box, and you will love it regardless of its issues. It’s also the start of the Jason era, so I can’t be too harsh on it.
Extras: As I said in my review for the original film, it’s hard to really judge extras on a F13 disc fairly anymore as the doco and book of Crystal Lake Memories collates all the stories and anecdotes together in one place.
Speaking of which…
Inside Crystal Lake Memories is an interview with Peter Bracke who wrote the Crystal Lake
Friday’s Legacy: Horror Conventions looks at horror fans at horror conventions. I’m not really a convention guy so this didn’t really mean anything to me at all. I write so I DON’T have to interact with others.
Lost Tales of Camp Blood Part 1is a short film that was also seen on the disc for the first Friday the 13th Bluray. I didn’t th*ni much of it then and I don’t think much of it now.
Jason Forever sees 4 of the actors who played Jason Voorhees come together to do a Q and A and a Fangoria convention.
Original theatrical trailer is what it says it is.
Film: 6/10
Extras: 5/10
Rewatchability: 10/10
This Bluray was purchased from JB Hifi
PANDEMIC (2016)
I was going to review this film about 5 years ago, but something happened in the world that seemed to make it a bad idea, and so I decided that in March 2025, 5 years after the World Health Organisation declared a world wide pandemic, that perhaps it was time to review this film, 2016’s Pandemic, directed by John Suits from a script by Dustin T. Benson, which, according to IMDB, is his only cinematic credit.
That’s a red flag, right there!
When I grabbed this movie on Bluray when it was first released, a pandemic seemed to be a science fiction concept from a zombie movie or a 50s science fiction short story from Analog Magazine. I grabbed this film because I have an affection for Rachel Nichols, who I liked in things like the Amityville Horror remake and P2, which is still a surprisingly ok thriller. Any of the goodwill that I had was lost after spending 90 minutes watching this garbage.
What I did not know about this film when I purchased it was that it is a found footage styled film. As it is I’m not a fan of found footage films. I never find it immersive. I think The Blair Witch Product is a terrible waste of time and money wrapped in an extraordinary marketing campaign like nothing that was seen before or since. I don’t believe the fandom of that film would be as high if the accompanying marketing… let’s call it what it was… lies were as well executed and I’m stunned how easily people are OK with bullcrap in a film advertising campaign but if it was a food stuff that told you you would be better looking and more muscular when it did not do those things, most would want their money back.
Pandemic tells of a world after a horrible virus that changes people into the flesh-eating cannibals that at various stages of viral incubation are still able to reason and use tools… actually, I feel like it’s never made entirely clear though there is a description of 5 level of infection so basically the story can make up what type of infected they have depending on what the story needs.
In a compound of uninfected doctors researching a cure, Dr Greer (CSI’s Paul Guilfoyle) assembles a team to rescue some victims who are held up in the city. In this team are Lauren (Rachel Nichols) a New York Doctor working with the CDC, Wheeler (Game of Thrones’ Alfie Allen) the driver, Gunner (Dawn of the Dead (2003) Mekhi Phifer) who acts as the worst security ever and Denise (Missi Pyle from Josie and the Pussycats) the navigator. There are all fitted with protective uniforms that have headcams on them for research purposes, according to Dr Greer, and this is how we get our story.
As you would expect, the mission goes to utter crap and one of the team isn’t who they say they are, and their personal mission may put everyone else in extreme danger…
The first person aspect feels more like the director didn’t know how to set the scene and opted for found footage look for no reason other than utter laziness. It’s NOT immersive. It DOES NOT add to the drama. If anything, it’s distracts from the drama and makes some quality actors look like they are rank amateurs,
Another problem comes from the costume design: you see, when characters spend time talking directly to each other wearing big transparent helmets that are obviously not well ventilated, the screens mist up, and the when light is shined directly onto that mask, the reflection obscures the faces of the actors. This is a another amateurish issue that even the worst of filmmakers who be aware of.
Not that this actually matter too much because these four fairly good actors are simply terrible in this film. At no point do I sympathise or empathise with any of them at all. I don’t think I’ve ever been so disinterested in the plight of characters so much in a film.
There is an occasional bit of gore that works well, but it’s not enough, especially considering some of the CGI fire is utter crap!
This film is basically an amateurish pastiche of Hardcore Henry, Doomsday, Rec and 28 Weeks Later that is so confusing at times with the headcams that you can barely tell who is doing what.
Avoid like, well, the plague.
Extras:
The disc starts with trailers for Take Down and The Curse of Sleeping Beauty, and that’s the entirety of the extras. Having said that, both these films look low budget and ridiculous but I’m intrigued by both trailers and am going to seek them out!
Film: 1/10
Extras: 2/10
Rewatchability: 0/10
Purchased from JB Hifi. Still haven’t forgiven them for allowing me to do so.
FRIDAY THE 13TH (1980)
Film: So here’s the thing. I have always tried to make my reviews at minimum 500 words long so that at least there appears to be some kind of substance to my writing, but what does one write about a film that had SO much written about it over the years, not to mention countless YouTube videos and Instagram posts. I basically have two choices: start with a long preamble about what new could be written about a 45 year old horror classic to get to the hundred word mark, or just reflect on my thoughts in the film, and how much it means to me, not just as a singular film, but as a series.
Or I could do both!
As you well know, Friday the 13th was released in 1980, was written by Victor Miller and directed by Sean S. Cunningham and is one of the early slashers that spawned not just hundreds of imitators, but a load of sequels, merchandise, and most of all, horror fans.
Now I always do a plot synopsis at this point of the review and I shall here again, just in case there is that single person who has never seen Friday the 13th though i wonder why you would be here on this mainly horror and cult movie website.
(It has since been pointed out to me that this review, even though it is for a horror classic, is actually 45 years old, and how many films did I watch as a young horror fan that were 45 years old. My answer to that was bloody heaps of them, because 40 odd years before when I first became a horror fan was the 40s, when a shed load of amazing horror and sci-fi came out so there’s no excuse.)
Friday the 13th tells of Alice (Adrienne King) a young woman helping to get a new summer camp open at Crystal Lake, run by her maybe boyfriend Steve (Peter Brouwer), and the other councillors (including Kevin Bacon before he was cured properly).
The final councillor who is supposed to arrive, Annie (Robbie Morgan) has disappeared on her way to the camp though, and we, the viewers, know that she has been murdered by an unidentified assailant who picked her up as she was hitchhiking on her way there.
Steve disappears into town to collect supplies after Annie is a no-show, and very quickly, the workers start getting picked off one by one. As the body count rises, we are left to wonder… who is the murderer? Is it one of the councillors? Could it be Steve? Maybe Ralph (Walt Gorney), the town crazy… who knows?
I can’t express just how important this film is too me. I have so much Friday the 13th stuff in my house: board games, soundtracks on vinyl, action figures of multiple characters, my first Fright Rags tshirt was a Jason one, and the thing that got me interested in vinyl model kits as a teen was a really cool one from the Japanese company Billiken, and then one from Screamin’ soon after.
This is the thing, though: most of that stuff is of Jason Voorhees… and not of the killer in this film. This is it, this is an important film and it launched a whole pile of stuff that i love… but it is not my favourite Friday the 13th film. It is violent and exciting and the cast in it are fine, the soundtrack is amazing and the gore effects are heaps of fun, but its a low budget film and it does show.
Just to clarify I do not thing this film is bad or worthless as it is not, but what it is is the beginning of something that i came to love as a horror fan.
If I am to criticise this holiest of holies in the horror genre, it’s just for a few things. The acting is quite horrible here and there, not all the cast, but a few of them have a very low score in the skill marker for this. That’s ok though, it’s a cheap horror film from the 80s and realistically, we don’t always expect too much and it adds to the charm.
My second criticism is I feel the film occasionally, in my mind anyway, posits itself as being a whodunnit insomuch as I feel like we are supposed to be guessing who the killer is, like an Argento film or even a Hitchcock, but even though we are introduced to a bunch of weird characters in town with Annie, including crazy Carl, and even have a few moments where some of the councillors seem a bit off, like after one of them kills a snake and there is a lingering look at him musing on the creatures execution, when the reveal happens, everyone goes ‘who the hell is this?’ I keep coming back to this and looking for some kind of a clue but either it’s not there or I am simply a freaking idiot.
The latter is infinitely possible.
I have a lot of affection for this film, but if somebody said to me “want to watch a Friday the 13th film? Your choice!’, this would not be my go-to flick. That’s not to say it’s not a horror classic or it deserves to be rewatched regularly either.
Disc: There is a huge bunch of extras on this disc and whilst I appreciate the volume of content, I must admit that any extra on a Friday the 13th film is overshadowed by the amazing Crystal Lake Memories documentary and accompanying book (or vise versa). These extras are good ON THIS DISC but that doco offers so much more behind the scenes stuff that without plumbing that well, its hard to have original stuff.
Theres a decent Commentary by Sean S. Cunningham but its most of the same anecdotes you’ve heard before: hosted by Peter M. Bracke.
Return to Crystal Lake: The Making of Friday the 13th is fine, but as I stated previously, watch Crystal Lake Memories instead.
A Friday the 13th Reunion is a reunion from 2008 at a convention of Tom Savini, Ari Lehman, Victor Miller, Betsy Palmer, Harry Manfredini and Adrienne King. It’s a cute piece but it’s all the anecdotes you’ve heard before.
The Man Behind the Legacy: Sean S. Cunningham is a short interview with Cunningham on his work.
Lost Tales from Camp Blood Part 1 was written and directed by Andrew Ceperley and it’s an amateurish take of the Friday the 13th movies: I have no idea why it’s on here.
The Friday the 13th Chronicles is more of the same with the same anecdotes but was probably of a previous DVD release.
Secrets Galore Behind the Gore is a very Quick Look at the for through the eyes of Cunningham and Savini.
Fresh Cuts: New Tales from Friday the 13th is again, interesting but not a great deal of fresh material.
There’s also a trailer.
Film: 7/10
Extras: 10/10 (with the aforementioned caveat)
Rewatchability: 10/10
This film was reviewed with the Australian Bluray release, purchased from JB Hifi.
HOUSE BY THE CEMETERY (1981)
I make massive attempts to not be a gatekeeper when it comes to horror. I am almost definitively a live and let live guy. Manos The Hand of Fate is the best horror film ever? Ok, sure thing pal. There’s nothing scarier than an Annabelle film? No worries, junior.
There is a caveat and that is Italian horror: you don’t like it, I doubt your horror cred, sorry, that’s just the way it is. Is it because I’m an arsehole? Maybe. Is it generational? Definitely.
For those who don’t know, let this Gen X dinosaur explain who Lucio Fulci was. Lucio Fulci was an Italian movie director who made his first film, a comedy, in 1959 and was in the middle of making the movie The Wax Mask in 1997 when he tragically passed away, a film eventually finished by Sergio Stivaletti.
Fulci is best know for his horror and giallo films of the 70s and 80s. Such films as the thrillers Lizard in a Woman’s Skin and Don’t Torture a Duckling, the slasher New York Ripper and what most horror films of a particular generation know him for, three unrelated in story but tonally equivalent City of the Living Dead, The Beyond and this one, The House By The Cemetery.
The House by the Cemetery tells of Dr Norman Boyle (Paolo Malco), his wife Lucy (Catriona MacColl, though listed in the credits as ‘Katherine’) and son, Bob (Giovanni Frezza) are moving to a strange house in New Whittby, Massachusetts so Norman can continue the work of his ex-colleague Dr. Peterson, a man who murdered his partner and then himself.
Strangely, Bob has been having strange visions of a girl named Mae Freudstein (Sylvia Collatina) who has been consistently warning him away from going to the house, something a child obviously has no control over.
Odd things keep happening though as Norman is recognised by several locals even though he claims to have never been there before, and the basement of the house is locked and boarded up… well, it was until babysitter Ann (Anita Pieroni) inexplicably removes the boards one night, but what is down there?
What is going on in the house? What do Bob’s visions have to do with it all? Is there someone else living in the house, or maybe someTHING is dwelling in the basement…
Honestly, I can’t tell you what the hell is going on in this film. There is so much stuff that’s unexplained like characters looking knowingly at each other like co-conspirators, but there time travel involved, are these ghosts… so many questions, so few answers.
I feel like Fulci was trying to make Norman some kind of enigmatic character like Jack from The Shining. All of the recognition from the locals is quite obvious and yet it is not even slightly explored. I kept expecting the film to end with a photo of the house from the 1800s with him standing out the front. It’s never exploited outside of the strange side-eyes and ‘have you been here before?’
There is a lot of fun gore though, and the dubbing of some characters, particularly Bob, is so laughable that it makes the movie even more fun to watch, and between those two things, all that confusion with the script washes away and it just become dumb entertainment.
Whilst this certainly isn’t top level Fulci, it IS infinitely rewatchable: I don’t know why, but it is! Yet another thing I don’t understand about this film!
Disc: There’s 4 interviews and a featurette on this disc.
Back to the Cellar is an interview with Giovanni Frezza aka Bob.
Cemetery Woman is a decent interview with Catriona MacColl. Lots of memories of Fulci here.
Finishing the Final Fulci is an interview with Sergio Stivaletti and him taking over the directorial role of Fulci’s final film, The Wax Mask, after he passed away.
Freudstein’s Follies is an interview with Gianetto De Rossi, the special effects man for the film.
Ladies of Horror is a look at various Italian horror movie stars.
These are all High Riding Productions shorts which are all directed by Calum Waddell whom usually works for Arrow Video with these shorts so I am assuming they have been purchased by Cinema Cult for this disc.
All interesting but of varying lengths. There is probably a really good solid singular feature about Fulci in here somewhere, but these shorts have some great anecdotes in them.
Film: 6/10
Extras: 8/10
Rewatchability: 10/10
This Australian Bluray was purchased from JB Hifi.
UNTIL DAWN (2024)
Game: I would like to say that as a horror fan I am not 100% sure how I missed out on Until Dawn’s release in 2015, but I was probably due to this reason: Call of Duty.
My video game experience at that point was solely online: Call of Duty and Battlefield were my thing all day and all night, so Until Dawn slipped right by me. I’m older now and my tolerance of online personalities and also the fact that I’m ten years slower than what I was then so my online gaming avocation is coming to a close and I spend more time playing games solo and a few weeks ago I discovered the remastered redo of Until Dawn that was released in 2024.
My discovery of Until Dawn came after I spoke highly of a game called ‘The Quarry’, less a video game but more an animated Choose Your Own Adventure experience like the series of books of the same name, you know the ones you would read as a child… or as an old man like the fact I read one last week, and a friend told me I needed to try this.
Until Dawn isn’t like you average game: you don’t run and shoot, or drive in cars or get a victory Royale, instead, you get to play it how you want to play it. A scene is played out and through the course of it you are given decisions, and these decisions don’t just effect the gameplay, they change the characters as you play them, so the gameplay evolves as the characters evolve. This means the games have lots of opportunities for replaying them.
Until Dawn started with a bunch of friends away on a trip at their rich friends snow lodge, which honestly is massive, like an old hotel, labyrinthine like the Overlook in The Shining and some of the members of the group decide to play an awful prank on one of their own, Hannah (Ella Lentini), that is so cruel she runs into the forest at night, her twin sister, Beth, in hot pursuit. They quickly find themselves being chased by a flamethrower wielding man (Larry Fessenden), who causes them to run blindly off a cliff, and are never seen again.
12 months later, their brother Josh (Remi Malek), invites the friends back for a party to remember the sisters, but after separating, they quickly find they are being hunted by a man in a mask. Who is this man hunting them? Is he the same flamethrower wielding man from the previous year, and what do any of them have to do with the mysterious asylum further up the snowbound mountain, and the miners who went missing over 50 years ago?
Cut in between the scenes of the game are sections where you are being interviewed by a psychologist, played by Peter Stormare, who asks you questions about what scares you, and this, in addition to the decisions you make, taper the game to your personality.
The game is extraordinarily clever in its play. If the decisions made cause a character to die, the game will continue without them and will adapt to their absence. This is a game mechanic called ‘The Butterfly Effect’. This makes for a clever scheme where you can replay the game and try to save everyone, or like the replay I’m currently enjoying (on Twitch: www.twitch.tv/jurm1969 )where I am not just trying to make everyone as awful as possible, which can be shown by their constantly changing personality profiles, but I am also trying to finish the game with everyone dead. Sounds easy but the game, as I’ve stated, adapts, and it’s not just as simple as walking off a cliff like any other game.
There are 10 chapters in the game, represent the ten hours ‘Until Dawn’ and in amongst them are 22 critical decisions which mould the games outcome. The game had an auto save feature that stops the player from being able to simply go back and try to save a character, instead, you’ll have to start the game over. This could be frustrating but if you are trying for a PlayStation Platinum trophy, you would be used to this repetition. There is also a bunch of totems one must collect throughout the game which are also a fun way to give it longevity. Clever stuff.
I was pleasantly surprised by the cast of this game also, as I said previously, I went into it quite cold. The aforementioned Fessenden, Malik and Stormare are joined by other actors like Scream’s Hayden Panettiere, Meaghan Martin (10 Things I Hate About You), Jordan Fisher (The Flash Tv series), Brett Dalton (Agents of Shield), Nicole Sakura (Superstore), Galadriel Stineman (The Middle) and Noah Fleiss (Josh and S.A.M.). Fessenden also co-wrote the game with Graham Reznik for Supermassive Games.
Funnily enough, this game is what I want from a modern horror movie but don’t get anymore. Fortunately, or unfortunately, a film adaptation is being released in 2025 which rather than tell the story straight, will seem to have a ‘groundhog day’ effect for the feel of multiple play throughs. I liked the look of the trailer so I’ll cross my fingers and dance around the wishing tree for it to be good.
It’s a great game and I can see myself actually attempting to get all the trophies on the PlayStation Network even though I don’t normally give a crap about that kind of stuff.
Extras: Extras… on a video game? What kind of clown shoes bullsquirts is this? As you finish the game you actually unlock a bunch of DVD extra type stuff which sees cast and crew talk about the creation of the game. It’s such a fun thing and really fascinating.
Game: 8/10
Extras: 6/10
Replayability: 9/10
Hey there, readers! This is just a small post to tell you all that the airwaves are now the SCAREwaves as Digital Retribution now has a podcast!
It’s still only a toddler, but as we get our feet we are hoping to bring you a variety of content.
So far, I have done an episode rounding up my favourite films from last year, which should be an annual event for December, I done a ‘13 Things’ episode where I talk about my 13 favourite things about my favourite films, and finally, I’ll occasionally do an editorial on something that is either sticking in my craw, or that has annoyed my like my latest episode about the problems with Hollywood from a film fans perspective.
I am still learning to use my equipment properly, but hopefully I’ll eventually be able to get other members of the Digital Retribution gang on to talk about some of their favourite stuff, be it VHS or movie poster collecting. I also have a university professor who is keen to discuss giallo films and other eurotrash stuff.
At the moments the frequency of the shop is sporadic but I’m hoping to get that on a more regular basis quickly.
So sit down, strap in, jam your headphones into or onto your ears and enjoy the dulcet tones of my voice as I product more waffling than a dessert shop.
Here’s the link to the podcast! Go give it a like and a follow and a 5 star review if you have the time!
TERRIFIER (2016)
Film: Horror movie ‘franchises’ are made or broken on how charismatic or how visually striking their antagonist is.
The Freddys, the Jasons, the Michaels, the Ghostfaces all rely on those two points. The victims, the ‘final girl’, the story are all secondary to how appealing the bad guy superstar is! The caveat to that is recasting some don’t always work… sorry, Jackie Earle Haley, but I think you know it’s true.
Terrifier, with its new superstar antagonist, Art the Clown, came out of the blocks racing at full tilt. Suckling on the teat of coulrophibia and doubling down on it with a creepy mime costume, and acting choices, Art slipped it to a space in cinema where the old franchises, except for Scream, were missing in action, and perhaps too old to be revitalised effectively anyway.
Maybe Art is the first of a new generation, and we’ll start to see some REALLY screwed up stuff.
Terrifier, along with its two sequels (to date) were written and directed by Damien Leone, who created Art the Clown (he’s more of a mime but you get what I mean) for his earlier film, All Hallows Eve, an anthology film from 2013.
Terrifier tells of party girls Tara (Jenna Kanell) and Dawn (Catherine Corcoran)… are these Buffy references…who by sheer bad luck meet Art the Clown (David Howard Thornton) at a pizzeria they stop at on their way home from a Halloween party.
Art creeps them out by, well, just being a creepy guy in a clown costume, and is quickly kicked out after he defecates all over the walls of the restaurants bathroom, only to return after the young women leave to execute the two workers.
Tara and Dawn return to their car only to find a tyre slashed and call Tara’s sister, Victoria (Samantha Scaffidi) to come and pick them up as the spare was already in use.
Unfortunately for them, Art catches up with them before Victoria’s arrival, and then the gory night of terror REALLY begins.
I’m gonna start with the gore as it really is in your face and all looks practical. Leone a-pears to have come from a make up and special effects background and it’s generally good when those people end up directing as they can see how an effect can be done practically and not resort to substandard CGI. The only effects work I don’t really like was the make up on the nonsensical prologue that ties in with the ending.
On make up, Art the Clown is a terrifying looking thing. The actor is tall and lanky and knows how to manipulate his body so he looks like a combination of a preying mantis and Dhalsim from Street Fighter. His smile is an awful thing to behold also. Doug Jones would be impressed with his physical performance and his lanky, tendrilous body is a sight to behold.
The acting of the four females leads is pretty good, with Canell and Scaffidi being the highlights. The male characters just seem to act by seeing how loud they can yell at each other. Sure I get the script calls for that but at points it was borderline Kitchen Nightmares.
The locations are occasionally laughable as well. The morgue in the basement with what looks like Kaboodle kitchen cabinetry is laughable.
As for the script, well there isn’t really much story here: prologue, killer kills, kills again, and again, and then again, ending. As horror fans we shouldn’t expect more than that, especially from a smaller budgeted film, but the lack of depth was apparent. To Leone’s credit, he certainly is a horror fan judging by the tributes to other horror films thrown in here and there but this was gory over story every inch of the way, and if that’s want you want, something that doesn’t challenge you and just shows cool kills, you will probably dig this, but for me, I just needed a little more of a tale told.
I’m constantly criticising Hollywood for its lack of originality with its incessant need for remakes and sequels and stuff based on comics or books, and whilst I don’t think this is the cure, it’s a great start.
Extras: There is a decent amount of extras on this disc:
‘All Hallow’s Eve’ the Anthology Prequel Film: it’s a great joy when a director’s earlier film is an added extra, it’s even better when that film features the same character from the feature you just watched and even better when it’s a full length film and not just a ten minute short. Winning all round!
Behind the Scenes featurette is a badly films pile of behind the scenes footage but at least they show the final film of some of the bits so you know what part of the film it came from.
Interview with Jenna Kanell sees ‘Tara’ talk about her experiences with the film and her history with Leone.
Deleted scenes shows two scenes that would have made little difference to the film at all.
Dread Central presents Terrifier San Diego Crowd Response is what you would expect: a bunch of people who loved the film… of course they did, why would you showcase the people who hated it. A bit onanistic as these things usually are.
Art the Clown Time Lapse Makeup – it does NOT look like a fun application, but it was fun to see the transformation: I wish there had been a talk through of what was being done.
Finally, trailers for Terrifier and All Hallows Eve.
Film: 5/10
Extras: 9/10
Rewatchability: 8/10
This Umbrella Bluray release was purchased from JB Hifi
THE SUBSTANCE (2024)
Film: I watched this film for the first time a few days before Demi Moore received her well deserved Golden Globe award, and honestly I was stunned by the film I saw. The film had received a shedload of buzz and I was excited to watch and did I think it deserved the buzz? Well not to bury my wishy-washy lead, but yes and no.
Mostly yes.
The Substance was written and directed by Coralie Fargeat, who also wrote and directed 2017’s Revenge, which I faintly remember watching and thinking it was a solid film… I need to revisit it, for sure.
The Substance tells of Elizabeth Sparkles (Demi Moore) who lives in a world where aerobics TV shows are still airing, and hers has existed for years, but she’s getting older and ratings are dropping, so the TV executive Harvey (Dennis Quaid) gives her the golden handshake.
On her way home after being fired, and on her birthday, I should add, she is involved in a car accident and is handed a USB stick by someone at the hospital that says ‘The Substance’ on one side, and has a phone number on the other.
The video on the USB stick shows a product that can make a person young again, and in desperation, she orders the product and is issued a card with an address where she goes and picks up a box.
The box contains a bunch of medical equipment and instructions telling her how to execute a program that begins with injecting a green reagent, that causes a fresh, new version of herself, who names herself Sue (Margaret Qualley), to be able to exist independent of her. The thing is though, the young version can only exist for seven days whilst the ‘original’ is passed out and is fed on a drip, and every day Sue has to inject herself with spinal fluid from Elizabeth.
These two people share a mind and eventually Sue becomes addicted to being young, and starts to ignore the seven day rule, but these has dramatic effects on Elizabeth… and when you are the same person in two bodies competing for existence, things are bound to become… well, difficult…
For starters, before I discuss the performances of the film, I must say how much I admire the visual design and the cinematography of this film. The contrast of Elizabeth’s and Sue’s vibrant colourful but artificial entertainment world to the emotionless reality of her apartment, to the even further clinical world of The Substance, reflected in a starkness of both the collection spot and the bathroom where all the ritual is committed. The bright yellow that’s used as a sign of rebirth (though I’m not sure how accurate the science of the yolk splitting in the opening is very accurate… isn’t the yolk the food for the chicken that develops in the albumen? Never let scientific fact get in the way of a good visual, I guess) is so striking amongst the whole experience and is such an amazing yellow that is such a great image… I’ll never look at a raincoat the same way again!
There’s is so much amazing background stuff happening that you don’t notice on first watch. Sue’s back up dancers are young and vital and sexy, whereas Lizzie’s may have been with her from the start, and are showing their… wear and tear, shall we say. Make sure you watch this more than once for these background bits and pieces.
Every set piece is a lecture in perspective and cinematographic design. I really cannot express my love of the look of this film.
As for the performances: wow! Moore plays the world-weary, beaten down and done professional so well one almost wonders how much of it was acting. She nails both the ability to put on a show, the loneliness of fame and the desperation some may have to hold onto their fame. Next is Margaret Qualley as Sue, who plays the coquettish newcomer with devilish charm and devious resolve. She is fantastic as the new ‘Elizabeth’, taking advantage of her youth, and ignoring the rules of The Substance like the very best selfish brat. Finally, Dennis Quaid as the sleazy Harvey is easily the most disgusting thing in this film, in his attitude towards Lizzie as she hits the end of her career, his lecherous approach of Sue and even more repulsive is the way he eats shrimp.
There’s a lot of gross stuff in this film but his consumption of food at a dinner is stunningly awful, both in performance and the extreme close up.
The first two acts of this film are primo cinema. Beautiful in execution, amazing performances and with a totally satisfactory set up and mis point. The ending is satisfactory except it’s far too long. I do appreciate though that a film that is so clinical in its first two acts becomes like a nightmare of Hennenlotter proportions. The way that Elizabeth/ Sue ends up is a magnificent and tragic thing, but it just goes on and on and on. For me, if not for its saggy ending, this film would have been a ten out of ten, but it just needed a trim in the editing to tie it up a bit quicker, and I say this with no intention of belittling how marvellous I think the rest of the film is.
Extras:
Reality+ is a short film by Fargeat which riffs on things like the film Surrogates starring Bruce Willis and like The Substance, is about self-image and technology removing identity but unlike the film, this has a quaint romantic angle to it that is projected quite early on but is still satisfying in its resolve. Like The Substance it’s beautifully shot and a great precursor to The Substance to the point that the film is almost a remake of the ideals presented in this short.
There is a trailer for The Substance, as well as others for Megopolis, The Apprentice, Anatomy of a Fall and Blood for Dust.
Film: 9/10
Extras: 9/10
Rewatchability: 8/10
This film was reviewed with the Bluray release purchased from JB Hifi
LONG WEEKEND (1978)
Film: I’m pretty sure I saw Long Weekend before I watched the amazing documentary about Ozploitation films Not Quite Hollywood by Mark Hartley. When watching the documentary I saw some bits of footage from the film and having it spark memories of seeing it. One thing I definitely remembered was Briony Behets, which is probably a reveal of my character more than anything. I was very thankful to that doco though as it brought this film (along with many other Australian films) back into my memory and I started actively pursuing them.
Special continuing thanks to Hartley for opening my eyes to the joys of cultural cringe!
I wanted to pick a film to review for the Australia Day weekend and the way my brain works is such: Australia Day, so it has to be an Australian film, and it’s a Long Weekend, so I guess now is as good a time as any to review this 70s classic, especially seeing how Umbrella Entertainment released this corker of a release as a part of their Ozploitation Classics collection (it’s number 12), and the fact that they kindly provided me with a copy.
Long Weekend was directed by Colin Eggleston, who directed Cassandra and Sky pirates, and was written by Everett DeRoche, who basically wrote everything in the cinema or on TV in Australia, including Patrick, Razorback and Harlequin.
Long Weekend tells of couple Peter (John Hargreaves) and Marcia (Briony Behets) whose marriage is holding on by the skin of its teeth. Peter organises a weekend away, getting amongst nature and enjoying the beautiful Australian bush.
We soon discover that these two are awful people who don’t even have any respect for each other, let alone the Australian outback, polluting the environment not just with their rubbish and cigarette butts, but also with their acidic and poisonous attitudes and as all good mothers do, Mother Nature starts to defend her green leafed, four legged, swimming and flying children against these interlopers.
This film is such a character piece that it really hinges on the performances and Hargreaves and Behets and disturbingly good in their roles. Their entire interaction for the whole film is like being a kid and a friends house and watching their parents argue. There is a persistent discomfort for the viewer the whole time, and you get to the point where you even start anticipating the cringe which makes for an uncomfortable and alienating time.
This is to a deliberate effect, I think. I feel the feeling of being witness to these private moment, of being an intruder upon the dissolution of their relationship has bearing on them being intruders onto the outback setting. The difference though is that we are distinctly aware of our interloper status and that we don’t belong, whereas they believe themselves to be masters of the situation, and have no issue stomping on their surrounding, unconscious of the fact that everything they do is simply dreadful, ignorant and imposing.
The film is shot beautifully and the outback looks as exquisite and as dangerous as it should. It really is a lovely travelogue of the bush as long as someone from another country doesn’t assume that all Australians are like Marcia and Peter.
This is a great Australian film, and this package is fantastic also. umbrella have really included a lot of exciting extras in the package… speaking of which…
Extras: Blimey! This disc has an absolute SLAB of extras!
Before we get to the extras on the disc, this Umbrella Entertainment release of the film has 8 miniature lobby cards, and the soundtrack on CD.
2021 Interview featurette with Behets and Eggleston’s sons, Toby Reed and Sam Reed is an interesting look at the film but a confusing ‘arty’ production. Some great anecdotes about the film’s production though.
2021 interview with executive producer Richard Brennan sees him talk about his history and the production of Long Weekend.
Extended Not Quite Hollywood interviews with director Everett De Roche, Behets and cinematographer Vincent Monton. Umbrella continue to milk the brilliant cow that is the Not Quite Hollywood for content and why not? It’s bloody bonza, cobber.
New audio interview with Executive producer Brennan, which further discusses the film.
2004 audio commentary with Brennan and Monton discussing the production of the film with some great anecdotes about film production of the time.
Nature Found Them Guilty: Examining Long Weekend panel discussion with film historians Lee Gambian, Alexandra Heller-Nicolas, Emma Westward and Sally Christie. Fascinating analysis of a film hosted by Gambin (who tragically passed away since) that dives deep into the film. Honestly I watched it twice because of the cool books in the house where it’s filmed and I’ve added about ten book titles to my Amazon book list.
Stills gallery accompanied by an interview with Hargreaves. Normally I’m a critic of stills gallery but putting an audio interview over it makes it worthwhile.
Long Weekend remake trailer with commentary by director Jamie Blanks (director of the remake, as well as Valentine and Urban Legend)
Colin Eggleston trailer reel features trailers for Long Weekend, Nightmares, Innocent Prey, Sky Pirates and Cassandra.
Excerpt from Whitsunday Ash – the lost Colin Eggleston film is a short piece of footage from a 1990 fiom that unfortunately remained unfinished due to Eggleston passing away.
Theatrical Trailer – it is what it says.
Film: 7/10
Extras: 10/10
Rewatchability: 7/10
Long Weekend was provided for review by Umbrella Entertainment
Digital Retribution 